existentialism is a headfuck

Gee talk about going around the twist!

Here's where I was Saturday and Sunday...

This thing has been getting rather existential, and that's a head fuck!

I mean I come here hoping to work with a community, if I reflect and re-energise then that's great but I was always treating them as a bonus for me. But I have done so much reflection the mirror has cracked - no one's been rocking up to workshops - I cancelled one to work on the Aquasculpture piece - which was driving me slightly crazy (see last blog) - If I am not here to experience working with a community on something then why am I here? Hundreds of kilometers away from family and friends that allow me to download no matter how serious or trivial - I don't even have that! - I can't download any more to myself - I will cause a feedback loop and I'll short circuit!

Then work on something of your own - which I am - I have never been one to work on just one thing and have many things on the boil but I cold be doing it home surely you know me?

I am stuck with myself going over the same questions why aren't they rocking up? what am I doing here if people aren't rocking up? Should I do something else? You are but why are you doing it here when you could be home? Then should you go home? If I go home I'll cause a stink - and feel I've failed somthing - what or who are you failing? - myself? the residency? the community? (that's a joke, surely) my ideas?

I need to do more, I feel guilty for not doing anything, I don't want to make excuses this time around ... why do we tend make excuses for these artistic processes in hindsight and justify with excuses - oh it was the wrong time of the year, too much was going on, September 11 (that's a great one) - actually I hate that one - we are still using it as an excuse to for all our worldly doings. I don't believe the world changed THAT much since that event - it's been changing at that so called exponential rate since I can remember - sorry I digress.

On Sunday and Monday and quite possibly Friday and Saturday as well the following people happened to email me or were within earshot to hear a piece of this existential feedback loop that was corrupting my brain and spurting out of my mouth; Lucy Cameron, Andy Macgregor, Georgie Davill, Wendy Hee, Karen Hadfield, Mum, Dad, Kathryn Sproul, Alex Reid and Tracy Crisp

Thanks for the ears and eyes.

Next ... a circuit breaker and a small committment.

silence is golden

It's been a fortnight since I was in Newcastle gee time goes quickly.

In that time I have been holding a few workshops and letting participants starting to feel their way with what they want to do. I have been teetering on feeling slightly guilty as I feel I am not doing anything but in actual fact I have been doing heaps - alot of it however is not terribly focussed at the moment and I am still not sure what the final outcome (if any) will be.

I am great one for dragging my feet when it comes to approaching people - call it being shy, a fear of the negative, or just plain lazy - maybe all three.

The Aquasculpture entry I have been working on this week finally congealed today - it's been grinding away at me as to what to do - and it's been pissing me off - how to present some seemingly disparate images and sounds - without spending too much money and making them cohesive in form - in the end I have decided to present 2 works. Funnily enough, it wasn't until I realised that I could make them all silent that they became a cogent group instead of four individual pieces each needing separate treatments.

The Aquasculpture theme this year is climate change - I have taken this extremely laterally as evidenced below...
Mt2C / C2Mt
Consists of two silent sped up car journeys shot from the passenger side of the car.
The first depicts this journey in Adelaide and the second is shot in the Camden Haven region.
They metaphorically trace an imaginary water trail from mountain to sea or vice versa in each location however this trail isreplaced with dirt tracks, suburbs, cities, fences, bridges and stop lights.
Distress #1
Consists of two slowed down pieces of silent footage each with subtitles.
The first depicts a woman with worry and little troubles. The second depicts a lifesaver retelling a story when he was in trouble in the surf.

They are all very simple in execution, and hopefully they are captivating in some small way, and three of them are direct results from the residency which is cool I suppose.

I have been thinking too big and numerous at the moment, always wanting four projectors for this and twenty of something else to feel I am making a visual impact - and whilst it'd be good to have it all at your finger tips, I hope that by restricting it right down to these four reinterpreted images, no sound, and a single screen has left it bare for the viewer to enter the piece in some way.

The text and t-shirt method of meeting people

Needed a little coaching from Adelaide Thursday evening.

I was sitting at the back of the Festival Club in Newcastle for the This Is Not Art Festival opening night's entertainment. Great music, interesting visuals on the video screen from ELE-MENTAL. Needed to talk to someone instead of feeling slightly lonely and like a wallflower. I started feeling the limitations of living - It is hard going to a place for a limited period and to start meeting people just like that. Sent out a a four-way text to Sammy, Becci, Piet and Benji - saying the like - and it would have been nice if they and other peoples were here with me, but if that can't happen then texting is the next best thing, hey? Texting is a convenient way to be engaged in two places at once. I realised this as I was on my second text *and lots of Geeks* to Piet and Becci who responded almost immediately, nice one. the outer reaches of steve's living limitations were getting tested quickly.

Didn't know if Sammy would respond anyway as he is in China so it was one of those texts that you do to be just out there and see if a common text moment will occur.

The little coaching from Becci and the advice to find randoms and impress them with my geek superority from Piet along with the pluck from a couple of alcoholic ginger beers was all I needed to turn around and introduce myself to this guy Guthrie, who introduced me to a Wagga massive up for the weekend of tech fun and not art stuff - in one swoop. Making small talk to people over loud music is really challenging but managed to keep the half heard conversations going for quite a while along with trying to remember all their names. Out side together for a quick smoke when my degree hoody was spotted by Simon from materialism and Josh from atlantis - lads from Adelaide - Josh designed my hoody and Simon designed the t-shirt I have on today.

Then last night after watching an hour of AV clips from artists around Australia and the world bumped into Jen and Carl from tallstoreez who I had only met a few weeks back in Adders for a meeting re: Fringe things. After the first intelligent conversation of critical art anaylsis I have had in almost four weeks by a rubish bin - we decided to continue more intelligent conversations at a thai restaurant.

Back to the t-shirt and hoody - never thought of my wardrobe as being Adelaide-centric before and some of it is, especially my t-shirts.

Newcastle is slightly odd - more on that later.
Been thinking about SDF1 and #2.
Been thinking about future tech projects in Adelaide.